TImes like this..

It's 1.19a.m. now.

It's always times like this when I think whether if all of this is worth it.

All the tears I shed because of you.

Every time I think about it, I wonder why am I always the one crying? When the one who loved first was you?

Maybe I fell in love with how much the attention you gave me.

But then,

a few months into the relationship, I really fell for you.

I tried my best to get to know you better, by befriending your friends, digging out as much information about you just so that I can know more about your past and feel closer to you.

I called you so often for I was afraid of being too distant from you. Meeting you was a major problem so I opt for ways to become closer to you, by calling you everyday. I'm not rich but still I save so that I can reload and call you. I became so calculative, I thought of the value of money for my food so that it can both fill me up and cheap to eat.

And I'm always jealous of other people, I always wonder why can't I see my boyfriend as much as I want when you are less than 3km away? Where were you to protect me when I walked through the creepy alley from Pyramid to Sunway College at night and being pestered by some psycho who's probably drunk? Where were you when I took the taxi alone although the driver threatened not to fetch me if the fare was lower than RM10 to Sunway College and waited hours for you to finish class?

Sometimes, do you notice that I'm always dressed up when I go out with you? Do you notice the perfume I wore, how many effort I put into selecting a pretty dress, just so that you'll notice that your girlfriend is pretty? But I guess you'd probably wont notice for you never recognise any difference in me, I always look the same no matter how much effort I put into dressing up for you.

I tried my best not to become those super manja girlfriend. Every time when I'm unhappy with a situation I just told you directly why I'm unhappy and didn't make things complicated for you.

But I'm also a girl, and girls love suprises, and for once, I'd really appreciate if you understand why I angry you or maybe pop by my school to suprise me.

And for that one moment when you look into my eyes the other day and told me how beautiful I was, I still thought that you truly meant it from your heart and there will never be anymore future arguments.

Why am I bothering to write this post when you may not look at this at all?

Sometimes, it's a wonder how love makes you blind. It makes you forgive and forget. It makes you keep on sacrificing for the hope of your love being returned.

But it's always the times like this that make you wonder, if all of these sacrifices are worth it.